– What do you want to do now? – he asked me.
– I don’t know, we’ve already exhausted all my ideas – I replied.
We had played a video game and a board game, we had watched a movie, we’d done an online workout tutorial, we’d gone shopping, we’d baked and we’d video called our families. We’d even gotten round to do a bit of work.
The only thing we hadn’t managed to adapt to isolation was sex. The lack of routine, waking up and going to bed at odd hours and feeling constantly drained because I didn’t have enough meaningful interactions and sunshine was taking its toll. I was never a fan of porn, so I was left with my own imagination, which was not at its best right now.
One thing I hadn’t gotten round to, strangely for me, was reading. I normally read a lot: from home to work and back, before going to bed, sometimes even while eating if I’m eating alone. However, all my alone time had disappeared in confinement, ironically.
Maybe that had something to do with my lack of sex drive. And I find my sex drive to be a defining part of my personality, so I was not liking this at all.
– I think I’ll go to the bedroom… I’m not feeling very motivated right now – I said – I’m going to read for a bit.
He kissed me as I left the room; a sweet kiss with no intention of going further. He knew I was going to my therapy. I browsed the shelves of our room for a new book to begin. A thriller; no thanks. Non-fictional about climate change; too depressing. Classics; too brainy right now. I stared at the shelf without hope. No confinement friendly reads here. But then I remembered. I had one book that I’d reserved for just such an occasion! A book that I wouldn’t dare to read in public and that required that I read it (or at least each one of its stories) in one go. I am not proud of this, but I had hidden it in my wardrobe to avoid visitors asking questions about it. It was an erotica book.
I found it under my socks in the wardrobe. I’d wanted to read erotica for some time now, but I couldn’t find anything that matched what I was looking for. First of all, I wanted short stories. And, secondly, I didn’t want the typical storyline in which she is a shy little thing who doesn’t know what she really likes until he comes and saves her from a life of boring sex. I wanted a strong female character that set the rules too. So I looked and looked and finally, I found this book. I bought it and then I hid it in my closet. Great move. What was I scared of? Maybe I would read things that I wouldn’t like and this book would be a disappointment like I knew the other ones would have been. That I would get to another dead end in my search of art that excites me. But now was the time to get to the bottom of that.
I lied in bed and opened the book on to the first story, “Ravenous”. I’ll read you a passage so you understand what happened next.
“There was too much food at the banquet. They knew it already before they’d ordered it. The guests also noticed as soon as they walked into the dining room. What they didn’t know was that it was on purpose. They didn’t know what the leftover food was going to be used for. […] The party had been a success. They felt exhilarated by it. So many single ladies had come over to his side to pay their compliments and smile adoringly at him, batting their eyelashes thinking that innocent look was what would have him at their knees. So many married men came over to her to pay their compliments and smile that crooked smile of the mischievous male, stroking her arm gently – just a whisper of a touch – thinking those gestures would have her fainting in their arms. Oh, they were so wrong. All of this was their courtship dance. A reminder that they could leave whenever – they wouldn’t be alone, that was for sure – but they chose not to.
When all the guests were gone, they collected the remaining food on a tray – most of it fruits and sweets – and took it upstairs, all without a single word. She took her clothes off with her back to him; the silk dress fell from her shoulders with ease, caressing her arms as it did so. There was no lingerie. As she took her heels off, the pink lips of her vulva appeared under her bum. A slight tremor on his lips was the only sign that he had seen. She lay on the bed, legs wide. That was the signal for him to approach. He came with the tray and lay it beside her head with care. He wriggled his fingers over the food, taking his time choosing the first piece. He chose a strawberry and cut it in half. Carefully, he placed one half on each of her nipples. He continued in this fashion around her body. Grapes on her eyelids, an orange slice on her lips. He left a trail of banana slices down her torso to her Mount of Venus, topping her belly button with a scoop of half-melted ice cream. Finally, a spoonful of whipped cream covered her lower lips.
He stood up away from the bed and rearranged the lamps that stood around the room. Once he had them all in their well-studied place he switched them on one by one, indulging in the new shadows the close-up lighting threw across his lover’s body. Finally, he switched off the ceiling light and took a camera out. He proceeded to take pictures of her, first of the whole scene and then close-ups of her fresh beauty. Once he was done, he moved back onto the bed. He could see she was now smiling. He knew she got a bit bored during the pictures, but it was worth it for what came afterwards.
He stroked her cheek while he looked down at the glowing beauty of her skin, in contrast with the colourful arrangement he’d built on top. Now to the best part of the evening: uncovering her again and sucking on her fruit. He started from the top. First, he ate the grapes so she could open her eyes and see the rest of the show. He ate the orange on her smile and the strawberries on her breasts. He took the time to kiss and lick and bite each of the body parts he uncovered. He also kissed her neck; that was against the rules since there was no food there, but he couldn’t help it. It was too deliciously long. He continued down slowly, eating each banana slice one by one. He acted for her as if each piece of fruit was the most delicious he’d ever tasted so that he would be able to hear her mellow laugh, the cherry on top of the cake. He cleaned the stream of ice cream that had poured down her stomach, which led him, finally, to the whipped cream.
At first, he licked only the top to tease her. She could see the white tip of his tongue, but she couldn’t feel anything, yet. He cleaned the sides of her lips with his finger. One side of cream for him, one side for her. She sucked his finger clean. He wanted to kiss her, but that would be too big an infraction; she wouldn’t like it. So he concentrated back on her lower lips, which still had traces of cream on them. Only a thorough cleaning would get rid of what was left. Carefully, he licked away first at the lips. He sucked on them to take away all the cream. He went down to the entrance he so cherished to make sure all of it was gone. He even went in a bit, although he knew there was nothing inside. But she’d lifted her hips to his tongue, he hadn’t been able to resist. Finally, he moved up to her cherry, which was still dirty. Gently he licked it clean. Her moans got louder as her clit got cleaner and it took all his will not to give in and kiss her. He couldn’t get enough of her lips. He sucked on her and put his fingers inside her against her upper wall. Her moans turned into groans, then into screams. And just as his will was melting, she came perfectly and abundantly all over his face, squirt after squirt. And thus his cream painted the inside of his trousers.”
You can see why I had to call my boyfriend to bed after this.
‘Ravenous’ won the Berlinable “Love in times of quarantine” contest! You can check the contest winners, and the story specifically, here.