The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.– George Bernard Shaw
Communication is an integral part of every relationship. Whether we are single, dating, or committed, we need to focus on building effective communications. Most couples stumble on the problem of lack of communication in different stages of their relationships.
In most cases, as Shaw has stated, we assume that we have communicated the message. But, our partner might not have received it in the way we intended. It is a common factor that results in dysfunctional communication in marriage or relationships.
Jonathan Robinson wrote in Communication Miracles for Couples that partners must “acknowledge, appreciate and accept.” She is a psychotherapist and author. According to her, we can do so only when we improve communication in our relationship. So, the question is how we can acknowledge, appreciate and accept our partner?
Before getting into the rubrics and solutions of building better communication with your partner, here are a few points that can help you understand the intensity of the problem.
What are the reasons behind the lack of communication in a relationship?
We know that communication is a two-way process. Here, both partners have to balance each other and act as active listeners and speakers. Brian OGolsky from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champion conducted a detailed study on relationships. He went through scores of academic and research materials to understand the core problem confronted by people.
From his study, he found a common aspect in all of the relationship studies he analyzed. According to that, he states that every individual in a relationship has a role to play. Being a person who deals with relationship maintenance, he added that communication is essential to nurture relationships.
In a relationship, there can be different factors that hinder communication. The problems faced by you and your partner will be unique. Recently, Your Tango has conducted a study. As part of it, they found that 65% of marriages came to an end because of a lack of communication. They came to this analysis based on polls conducted by 100 mental health experts. The reasons stated by the couples for lack of communication include: complaining, nagging, lack of validation of feels, disregard for opinions, etc.
Besides that, many couples stop communicating due to the fear of ending up in arguments. There have been situations where even strong relationships ended because of a lack of communication.
From the studies conducted by psychologists and other scholars, we can understand that communication is the foundation of any relationship. It acts as a hinge that connects all other aspects of a relationship. When communication in marriage or a relationship fails, it will lead to a lot of other problems. It can have a drastic impact on confidence, sexual life, intimacy, mutual acceptance, etc. It can lead to the disintegration of a relationship too.
What is the impact of communication in a relationship?
Communication includes numerous factors, and most importantly, it can be verbal and non-verbal. In a relationship, everyone must try to bring in a balance of both these components. Through this, we can improve communication in relationships with ease.
It is essential to obtain an in-depth understanding of the importance of communication. For that purpose, let us have a look at research published in Procedia. Procedia is a journal for social and behavioral science. Tomuletine Elena Adriana, along with others, conducted a study on 40 married couples to understand the impact of communication. They had selected married couples from diverse socio-economic backgrounds for the survey.
Here, they provided questions that helped them to distinguish couples into those having:
- Low level of communication
- Average level communication with each other
- Effective communication with each other
The number of couples facing a low level of communication in marriage or relationship is 50%. Here, 20 couples were having this issue. The reason behind this is the lack of interest in communicating or interacting with their partner. It is also due to physical aggressiveness, stress, and anxiety. It is happening because of the presence of unresolved issues too.
When we look at couples with an average level of communication in their relationship, it is 25% as per their report. Here, couples showed little to no interest in communicating with their partners. It is yet another alarming factor in relationships.
When it comes to couples with effective communication, only 12.5% of them did not have any issues with communicating with their partner. According to them, they showed interest in each other. They were also active listeners and speakers. They included a blend of verbal and non-verbal cues in their communications. Besides that, they focused on corporation and compatibility in their relationship. However, when we look at the numbers, it is still low.
As per the research, the couples who took part in the survey were married and were not on the verge of divorce.
So, why is the number of couples who can communicate effectively with their partners low?
It is a question that requires an answer and, at the same time, a solution.
How can we improve communication in a relationship?
Improving communication in marriage or relationships is pertinent. Through communication, couples can understand their vulnerabilities and immaturities. It can assist in creating strong relationships and bonds too.
Amy Scott, a family lawyer based in New Zealand, stated in her Tedx talk that communication styles could be a biohazard to relationships. From this, we can understand that we have to work on our communication to enhance the bonding with our partner.
Here are a few ways by which couples can work on their relationships.
- Focus on respecting each other and their choices. Providing insights can also help build conversations.
- Show kindness and gratitude to each other.
- Consider yourself and your partner as a team.
- Build verbal and non-verbal communication as it can avoid miscommunications.
- Give importance to the truth as it can help in creating healthy communications.
These are some practical ways to develop and enhance any relationship. However, we have to focus on specific and subjective aspects of the relationship to improve it from the core. Communication in marriage or relationships is a crucial pillar that we have to work on every other day to keep the fire alive.
Everyone has to work on communication even if they are not facing any issues or troubles in their relationship. Adding fuel at the right time can enhance the bond and improve intimacy as well as connection.
So, if you are ready to build your relationship and improve communication, we are here to help you. Become a part of our journey and register for our workshop, Light My Fire, to work on communication, sexual chemistry, and desire. Click here to know more.
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