Jealousy. It is one of the most dreaded feeling in relationship because it can not only destroy relationship but also bring the worst out of people and have them behave differently, erratically. We, as humans, act out on emotions generally rather than feeling them and holding ourselves back i.e. we are more reactive than responsive. An emotion like jealousy has a very powerful force, a very strong energy, hence, it often becomes unbearable for us to experience jealousy in its raw form. It can be a very painful experience which can leave us feeling hurt, ashamed or even embarrassed. Jealousy, at its core, is actually a byproduct of fear – fear of loss of that person or relationship, fear of not being good enough, fear of insecurity. When we are triggered by jealousy, our mind run towards these fears and have us act out rather than staying with the feelings of beauty of relationship and qualities of that person that we admire.
We have to understand that jealousy in relationship is very normal, especially if we have strong feelings for each other. Where there is love, there will be jealousy. When we feel jealous, how do we behave generally – perhaps disconnect from our partner, become completely silent, take revenge, use passive aggressive language, feel agitated or perhaps even feel insecure and start comparing ourselves with others. Instead of behaving in this way, what for a second, if we are to first recognise that:
- we are reacting out because of jealousy, and
- that it exists because we have so much love for that person underneath the emotion of jealousy.
Do you know what is the state of your mind when you are jealous? Most likely not. Do you feel there is fear of losing the person? Are you approaching with the scarcity mindset? A scarcity mindset and jealousy have a very strong correlation because scarcity mindset promotes jealousy and jealousy reinforces the scarcity mindset.
Have you ever paid attention to your physical state when you are jealous? Most likely, in the state of jealousy, you will notice, your body is all charged and ready to fire up i.e. you are actually fill with lot of energy in your body. What if I were to tell you that there is a way in which this energy can be used to build further intimacy and connection with your partner rather than behaving in ways that will affect your relationship. What if I were to share with you how to use the charge of jealousy to bring excitement and zest in your relationship? Would you be interested in knowing how to do that?
Before we proceed, list down few things or acts that makes you feel jealous? And how do you respond when you get jealous?