Lying next to my partner, I was inundated by a constant flow of thoughts….
Will he think my body is sexy?
Should I touch his chest first or go straight for his cock?
What if he isn’t hard yet? Maybe I should kiss him?
I know a lot of ‘techniques’, should I just go through them in the order that usually works?
I probably should have shaved my legs, ugh, maybe I can pleasure him without him touching my legs?
What if he is not really into making love at the moment?
….. and then of course my mind is back to the first thought…. maybe I’m not desirable…. and I’m off around the track for another mind spin.
Of course, all of this to say, the actual intimate encounter, was not progressing well…… all of these insecurities were totally blocking my sexy mojo.
I mean, with all that mind garbage going on, I wasn’t really present to my partner at all! And this is what I wanted to bring up, because most of us are not actually physically present when we are making love.
Which brings me to my main point, if we aren’t ‘in the present moment’ and aware of ourselves and our partner in an open, curious way, then really, we are just going through the motions of intimacy. That is not really a connection at all, its become just a performance of what we think sex should be like, not an exploration of what it is in the moment with this particular person.
So what about you? Have you caught yourself acting the ‘role’ you think your partner wants, or you think you should be? Has this really brought you pleasure on a deep level? I’m going to guess that you have been there, and also that you have finished the encounter with a small feeling of ‘incompleteness’, as if there should have been something more.
The something more, we are all missing, is true intimacy. The ability to be totally open and curious, in the moment, with another human being. The chance to feel into who we are, and who our partner is, on a primal level. We have the opportunity to drop all the masks we wear all day, and just be ourselves.
Is this easy? Well, yes and no.
In a way, it is the most natural state in the world, but for most of us, it has become the hardest thing in our life.
We are so caught up in shame, guilt and fear, that we hide ourselves almost all of the time. This hiding, not only keeps us from experiencing our own joy, but deprives our partner/s and people in our lives, from experiencing us as our true selves also.
And, there you have it, the performance continues, both in the bedroom and out.
And ultimately soul destroying.
So what to do?
Being true to ourselves and sharing this with another person is inherently vulnerable, we have to surrender. The awareness that we are ‘performing’, is a first step. The process of uncovering ourselves, our desires, our wants, our true nature, is an ongoing journey.
Having glimpsed a few small windows of my own pleasure in sharing myself with someone, I would say there is nothing more worthwhile, than taking this opportunity.
Are you ready to take the next step?
I would be honoured to be your ally and your guide in this process.
Book a free consult with me, let’s talk.
Photo by vectorstock.