Conquer those ‘first-time sex’ fears and enjoy every sexy second in the bedroom with my top-tips for first-timers…
The prospect of a first-time sexual experience can be extremely daunting and you may find yourself wondering: am I ready? How will it feel? Is it the time right? Although it is natural to feel a mixture of emotions, including nerves, sexual exploration should always be fun and exciting so read on to see if you are really are ready!
1. Be honest with yourself – Whether you’re looking to lose your virginity or widen your sexual repertoire, the first thing you must identify is the motivating factor behind your decision. Consent is absolutely key and the decision to have sex for the first time or engage in any bedroom-antics is solely yours. If you’re thinking of having sex in order to please anybody but yourself, there is a strong likelihood that you’ll be left feeling resentful and even regretful.
Of course, it’s natural to want to satisfy the ones you care about and the best relationships feature a healthy dose of give and take; however, engaging in an activity you’re not comfortable with, just to please your partner, is unhealthy and unfair. So, be honest with yourself and pinpoint the reason you want to say yes – make sure your motive is pure.
2. Talk it through – Words are incredibly powerful. Don’t be afraid to open up to your partner and discuss the delicious deed in detail before you come to your final decision. Talk through the physical side of things if you are unsure about how events will play out in reality. Having a clear vision in your mind can help to alleviate nerves and make all parties feel more comfortable.
As well as sharing your doubts and reservations, don’t forget to share the things that you are looking forward to as well. Clear and confident communication will help to ensure that you feel ready, prepared and excited.
Before my first BDSM session, my biggest reservation was that I would leave feeling cheap and used. Sharing this thought with my Dom was painfully difficult but as soon as the words left my mouth, it was as though a weight had been lifted and Sir did everything he could, before, during, and after the session, to ensure that I didn’t feel this way! Sir’s words and actions helped to cement my decision and I felt no regrets.
3. Bring your vision to life – In a world of cheesy rom-coms and 24/7 porn at our fingertips, it’s so easy to build a strong notion of how our ‘first-times’ should pan out. Although spontaneous sex and surprises can be amazing, if you want flower-petals, candles, and champagne, then make it happen. Don’t rely on your partner to bring the magic; instead, talk to them and make any arrangements together. From the perfect location with a killer outfit to being prepared with condoms and lube, be proactive and get organized.
4. Be ready for the reality – The first times are just one moment in time and as they say, practice makes perfect! If your experience doesn’t quite go to plan, make sure you’re mentally prepared for it and just know that it’s okay to withdraw your consent at any point. It’s never too late to say no.
Even after all the planning and chatting in the world, sometimes things go wrong or it’s not as you imagined and that’s fine! It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or even disappointed. At times like this, it’s more important than ever to maintain an open dialogue with your partner and to be honest with yourself. If it feels right, use laughter to lighten to mood – just enjoy each other’s company and try again when the time is right!
5. So, are you ready to do it? – Remember that sexual exploration is so much more than just a physical connection so make sure you prepare both your mind and your body. The most important advice I can give is to relax and to be confident in your decision. When you are ready, any nerves you are feeling will be laced with an effervescing sense of excitement and you’ll be keen to explore and engage! Choose a partner (or partners) who you trust completely and who you know will give you the respect and consideration that you so rightly deserve. Enjoy every sexy second throughout your first-time sex!